The on-line book being written here:
Introduction
Many people appear to be me to be more focussed on how they feel and entangled in status anxiety that engaged in living their highest dreams and fulfilling their highest potential. I should know; I'm one.
Then at times I'm something else and I'm so fully alive and forging ahead whilst others sleep. They wake and a few hours later find in their email inboxes what I sent in the hours 2am to 8am from the iPhone which a friend and a benefactor teamed-up to buy me. One of these two I suspect was motivated by guilt at how he had expressed his view about his belief in my being mentally ill, the other I see as funding me because she believes that the edge I present to the world is a gift. For her whose name shall be anonymous I write three parallel accounts of my life. In one of these accounts I give myself full permission to dream. I really want to share what that's like, and though I'd often like to sleep, on balance, like Stephen Fry, I do not want to be put on Lithium just because some label me bi-polar or manic- depressive.
How we deal with our own moods and get both the support and the accountability we need is important for many. I hope that this account of 12 hours of a 'high' and the ensuing assessment of gains/ damage in relationships and life goals prompts ideas for how you'd like to get your own support needs met, and clarify to whom, on earth, you are willing to be accountable? To whom do you give permission to live the dream and support the unfolding of the best of your/ their potential?
Components conducive to change
Inspiration
Some kind of route-map
Feedback loops (geared to provide learning from journeying experiments)
Cameraderie (and other forms of support)
Experiments in increasing awareness:
Self awareness
Other awareness
Awareness that transcends self and other
Experiments in 'taking responsibility'
What to do with my restlessness at night?
Options I've tried to various degrees:
|
|
What leads me to choose each
|
Apparent outcome of each
|
Reflections on my (conscious and unconscious) choices and where next.
|
|
Escapism
|
|
|
|
|
Sleep conducive 'drugs' / remedies
|
|
|
|
|
Problem 'solving' & emailing
|
|
|
|
|
Meditation
|
|
|
|
|
Inhabiting the unmet need
|
|
|
|
What to do with my disappointment?
Firstly (or lastly?) list the things about which I am disappointed?
Options I've tried to various degrees
|
|
What leads me to choose each
|
Apparent outcome of each
|
Reflections on my (conscious and unconscious) choices and where next.
|
|
Denial
|
|
|
|
|
Suppression
|
|
|
|
|
Problem 'solving'
|
|
|
|
|
Let it Pass
|
|
|
|
|
Inhabiting the unmet need
|
|
|
|
==============================
Classification of people's issues (and the dangers attendant on thereby classifying people)
Explain both the limitations of labels and of empathy and the interplay of the connections etc. (The value and limitations of labels)
What needs do classification serve for us; even I get attracted by the ability of others to create categories such as this one:
Hypomania (literally, below mania) is a mood state characterized by persistent and pervasive elevated or irritable mood, and thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. People experiencing hypomanic symptoms typically have a flight of ideas, a decreased need for sleep and/or rest, are extremely outgoing and daring, and have a great deal of energy. However, unlike full-blown mania, those with hypomanic systems are generally fully functioning. Specifically, it is distinguished from mania by the absence of psychotic symptoms and by its lower degree of impact on functioning.
What others have said my problem is and what they have recommended
Problem described
|
Person
|
Their recommendation
|
My reflections
|
'Manic-Depression' & other mental illness
|
A
|
Lithium
|
I don't want to be suppressed just because A finds my behaviour difficult; I'd rather form a way for us to co-exist better with the differences in our approach to each other's 'pathology'. (His being 'labelling' and slowness/refusal to take restorative approaches to the pain he experiences, in my humble opinion)
|
| |
|
|
|
Narcissism
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
The over-medicalisation of the normal human condition
|
C
|
Stop refusing other people's food etc
-see Biographer's Commentary
|
|
| No problem |
D |
Go somewhere where there is friendship and unconditional love for you. |
Great to have a number of 'bolt-holes' where I can re-group, but living in a 'bolt-hole' would not meet my perceived need for challenge and achievement, amongst other things.
Besides which, who really provides 'unconditional love'? We all have our wants and needs, and they emerge as we spend time together and find our own shortfalls in having anything that seems 'fit for purpose' to offer back.
|
Manifesto for the accountability and support structures most conducive to my own condition (which has been diagnosed by others as....)
Appendices
Personal stock pile of 'pat' Galvanising Phrases
- http://yourneedsequaltomine.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/galvanising-phrases/
A time when each need was not met
-personal accounts to enhance the quality of experiencing the unmet need
A time when each need was met
-personal accounts to remember that need being met and reconnect with it's personal importance
Comments (1)
Paul Crosland said
at 2:38 pm on Nov 20, 2010
A housemate just came up to me; concerned about my tendency to have bulging eyes at times alongside variable energy/ styles of engaging with people and suggested I look into hypothyroidism, with which a friend of his has been diagnosed:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypothyroidism
Oh the joys of other peoples diagnoses of me! Helpful and ...
You don't have permission to comment on this page.